Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
