she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
