I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
