Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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