He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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