Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
