It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize