If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
