in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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