Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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