I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I queefed so loud it echoed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
