So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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