Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
