On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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