i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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