Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
