He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
