Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
