I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
