Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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