I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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