In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
