i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
