i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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