We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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