why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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