clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
