fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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