i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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