I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
