i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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