I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Are my feet made of real feet?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize