dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize