Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
