yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You pole danced in your parka.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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