At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
