Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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