Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
