hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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