She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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