i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
