Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
