OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
