Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
