what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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