Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there is puke in my bra ... again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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