D3 body, D1 cock
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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