I'm so fucking centered right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
