You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You smell like a Billy Joel song
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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