Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I didn't notice because vodka
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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