fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
