there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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