ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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