Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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