this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
