Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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