hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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