Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
