My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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