i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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