pop tarts are not kleenex
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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