I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
