doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
