I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
this hospital has no fireball
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
