I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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