I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
