Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
